Tom Riddle's many ways to fail: Year one
by sometimes random
Summary: Ever notice how Tom Riddle's plans always rely on excessive luck, and the incompetence of others? What would have happened if his opponents were slightly competent? Covers just the traps at the end of year 1.
1. Getting Past Fluffy

Ever notice how Tom Riddle's plans always rely on excessive luck, and the incompetence of others? What would have happened if his opponents were slightly competent?

* * *

31 Aug 1991

Dear Hagrid,

My wife and I wish to express our thanks to you, for allowing Headmaster Dumbledore to borrow Fluffy. He has relayed to us how much you enjoy working with animals, and how well trained Fluffy is. We rest easier knowing our stone is protected by a cerberus; if there is anything we can do to return the kindness you have shown us, the headmaster is willing to relay a letter to us.

Kind regards,

Nicolas Flamel

* * *

While a cerberus looks impressive, and would do wonders to keep the students away from the truly dangerous traps, the fact is that, for a modestly competent wizard, a chained cerberus that cannot reach the door, let alone fit through it, is no threat, and can be dispatched at leisure. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, not being a fool, knew he needed to give Fluffy an edge. Since Fluffy was large enough to give even Hagrid some trouble, he and Hagrid had trained and charmed Fluffy to sleep whenever Fluffy heard music. Hagrid was one of the kindest souls Dumbledore had ever met, but he could not keep a secret no matter how important it was. This did not worry Albus; in fact, he was counting on it. While killing the cerberus would be easy, it would be noisy, set off alarms, and tire even an adult wizard. By providing an easy way to bypass Fluffy, Albus hoped that Fluffy would survive. Having made up his mind, he pointed his wand at the giant dog. "Imperio."

* * *

Late spring, 1992

"Hurry up Hermione, Snape could already be at the stone."

"I'm going as fast as I can, it's not like either of you can cast this. Alohomora."

Harry Potter and his two best friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, were trying to stop Severus Snape from stealing Flamel's stone. Hagrid had told them how to get past the giant three-headed dog, and they figured Snape knew too. With Dumbledore out of the castle, and his deputy not believing them, they were on their own. The lock clicked in response to Hermione's spell, and the door opened a crack; the faint sound of a music box could be heard through the crack in the door. Ron reached out to open the door, but paused to take a deep breath and calm himself. "Oh merlin, what's that smell?"

Harry and Hermione, standing just behind him, took a moment longer to detect the stench, before harry said "I don't know, we'll have to open the door to find out... Kinda smells like when they were feeding the lions at the zoo." Ron twisted the knob and pushed the door open. The first thing the three students noticed was the blood, splashed out liberally over the floor. Hermione put her hand in front of her mouth and stumbled back, trying not to faint. Ron fared a little better; he was used to seeing disturbing things thanks to his twin brothers, even so, he was queasy. Harry steeled himself; he'd dealt with worse at the Dursleys', "come on, we have to stop Snape, since he killed Fluffy". He stepped past Ron, then took a closer look at the room. Inside, the smell was much stronger.

Behind him Ron said "It almost looks like Fluffy is just asleep, that git didn't have to kill him." Harry had to agree, especially since he noticed that Fluffy was still breathing. He also noticed that there were no wounds visible on the enormous dog, and that blood was dripping from the closest head's jowls. Looking closer, he noticed scraps of fabric under the sleeping head. The trapdoor was still closed. As he crept forward, careful not to make any noise, he saw the closest eye crack open for a moment, tracking his movement, then close quickly. He crept a step closer, then froze. It almost looked like Fluffy was only pretending to be asleep, waiting for him to get closer. As he took his first step back, all three heads shot up, Fluffy turned, and lunged at him. Fortunately for Harry, the floor under Fluffy was still slippery with blood. Large dogs on lubricated stone floors often overestimate their own agility, and Fluffy only managed to cover half the distance between them. While Fluffy regained his footing, Harry scrambled from the room.

"I don't think anyone got past Fluffy".


	2. The Devil's Snare, pt 1

"Headmaster, than you for agreeing to see me."

"Of course Nick, I take it you would like to discuss the security measures guarding your stone? Lemon drop?"

Nicolas Flamel, with the help of Dumbledore's familiar, Fawks, had just arrived in the headmaster's office.

"No, thank you. Brilliant work with Fluffy, Headmaster. Feigning sleep may convince even Riddle to come into striking range. The next trap, however, is missing something. In fact, I think any first year student could get past it."

Dumbledore considered his friend's words, "yes, I'm afraid you are likely correct. I was thinking of importing a mandrake from Africa. Unless you have a better idea?"

* * *

Professor Quirrel was not having a good day. First, Dumbledore had been hesitant to believe his fake message, then he had overcome the compulsion charm to fly to London, and had taken the Floo. If it were not Fawks's burning day, he would have likely taken the blasted bird, but at least he'd gotten his timing right. Even so, he had had less than an hour to recover the stone and escape. Fortunately, his master had used legilimency on Fluffy as he approached. Of course, by the time he realised his error, he was in striking range. His hasty shield, plus dodging out of the way, saved him from the jaws; but he was certain he'd at least cracked a rib when the blasted dog's paw had connected. Plus he was now certain he had even less time remaining since he'd had to AK the dog, thereby setting off all sorts of alarms. Quickly, he levitated the massive dog off the trapdoor, opened it, and jumped down. As he expected, his fall was stopped by the giant leafy plant. How Dumbles and Sprout thought a first year plant could stop him... As he felt the plant begin to move, he pointed his wand down and incanted "lumos solem". The bright light caused the plant to immediately let go of him. Of course, the light, coupled with him hitting the floor below the plant, woke the mandrake. A moment later, the mandrake's scream was joined by Volemort's shade screaming in frustration.


	3. The Devil's Snare, pt 2

Dumbledore considered his friend's words, "yes, I'm afraid you are likely correct. I was thinking of adding a mandrake to the snare's pot. Unless you have a better idea?"

"I do; well, not a better idea, a complimentary one. Have you heard of sodium azide?"

* * *

Quirrel levitated the giant dog off the trapdoor. In the distance he could hear the general alert ward blaring; he would have to hurry. At least he'd caught a break. It was pure luck that he'd overheard Dumbledore asking Sprout to plant a mandrake in a pot, charmed to uproot the mandrake when hit by sunlight, but it hadn't taken him long to figure out where it would be.

 _Fools, Devil's snare hates fire as much as it hates sunlight. If I burn it off, the mandrake won't even notice._ He jumped down the trapdoor, landing in the tangle of the Devil's Snare. Not waiting for the plant to react, he incanted "incindio". Of course, in the dark, he could not see the cloud of sodium azide his landing had disturbed. The pressure spike from the resulting explosion propelled him a little ways back up the tunnel, while at the same time crushing his ribs. In a thermobaric explosion, the initial high-pressure wave is followed by an extra low-pressure wave, as the gasses behind the initial wave cool and contract, often causing the lungs of a victim to burst. Of course, in the confinement of the narrow shaft, the pressure waves refracted off the walls and impacted Quirrel's body multiple times. The result wasn't pretty, it would require magic to identify the body.


	4. The Devil's Snare, final

"I do; well, not a better idea, a complimentary one. Have you heard of sodium azide?" Dumbledore shook his head. "It's a muggle explosive, they use it in the emergency cushions in their cars. With a bit of magic, we can make it a fine enough powder to hang in the air; you remember Grindelwald's experiments with thermobaric weapons."

"I do, but what if he uses a light spell instead of fire to get through the Devil's Snare? I suppose we could include a magical proximity detonator."

Flamel shook his head. "He would notice the magic and it would put him on guard, better that he not realize anything. Besides, sodium azide has one other advantage over Grindelwald's coal bombs."

* * *

 _Hm, so they've got an adult mandrake set to scream when the light comes on. And I need a bright light to repel the Devil's Snare. I could use fire instead, but that's probably what they expect me to use; they figure I wouldn't be willing to deafen myself even temporarily. Here goes._

After quickly pointing his wand at his head and deafening himself, Quirrel levitated the large dog off the trapdoor, opened it, and jumped down. A moment later, the large, carnivorous plant caught him. Pointing his wand where he guessed the main body of the plant was, he incanted "lumos solem". The plant swiftly drew back from him, letting him fall the rest of the way to the floor. In the wandlight, he could barely see the haze of fog hanging in the air. _Huh, good thing I didn't use fire, I bet that fog is combustible._ _Nice try dumbldork._ In the corner, he spotted the mandrake, loose from its pot and screaming. Not wanting to risk a spark, he walked over to the plant and stepped on it, he did not notice he was moving sluggishly. Then he released the spell deafening him, and paused a moment to listen. _That's that... what was I doing again? Oh, stone._ He took two steps toward the door, then paused. He was feeling dizzy and his wand light was fading. He paused a moment, when his master spoke. "Fool! That fog is poisonous! Quickly, protect yourself!" He let the lumos spell collapse and quickly tried casting a bubblehead charm. On his second attempt a small bubble of clean air appeared over his face. Still lightheaded, he fumbled in the dark to find the bezoar he kept in his pocket, found it, and ate it. _Nice try, but a magic poison that slow is not a serious threat._ Immediately, he felt a little better. Of course, bezoars are most effective against magical, ingested poisons. Once he was sure the bubblehead charm would hold, he re-lit his wand, which flickered dimly. _That's odd, that poison must have been more potent than I thought. I'd better get out of this cloud and rest a minute to give the bezoar more time to work._ With that goal in mind, he stumbled through the door and closed it behind himself. Seeing that he had left the cloud behind, and being too exhausted to maintain the charm, he let the bubblehead drop. _In a minute, I'll be feeling better and continue, I'll just rest here a moment._

By the time he had used the bezoar, a significant portion of his red blood cells were already permanently destroyed; and, while the bezoar and the bubblehead charm protected him from what he would have continued to inhale, it did nothing to stop the sodium azide absorbing through his skin. He sat down and closed his eyes, intending to get up in just a moment. He was still there hours later when Dumbledore came to investigate. Tom Riddle's shade had already departed.


	5. Flitwick's Keys

Flamel looked up from his notes. "Wait, why the hell is the needed key in the room?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly, "who says it is?"

"It says right here, in the notes for the room, 'the ornate, silver key, with blue wings, opens the door'."

"Ah yes, but remember, my good friend, who all has seen the notes? Besides, we want him to open that door."

* * *

Quirrel levitated the giant dog off the trapdoor. _Hm, supposedly Devil's Snare at the bottom. Of course, if the dog was clever enough to feign sleep, I better make sure it really is a plant and not spikes at the bottom._ Quirrel then walked over to one of the torches ensconced on the wall and removed it. He then returned to the trapdoor and dropped the torch into the hole. Fortunately for Quirrel, he was a good distance away from the resulting explosion, and wizards are significantly more robust than the average human.

Quirrel opened his eyes, then immediately closed them. _Oh that hurts, how long was I out? Damn, the whole school must know I'm here._ In his quest for immortality, Quirrel's master had studied a fair amount of emergency medicine, some of which he had passed on to Quirrel. He pointed his wand at his head and incanted a spell to help his raging headache. The pain dimmed, but didn't go away. _Odd, I can't hear myself over this blasted ringing._ He followed that up with a spell to reduce the ringing in his ears; when he still couldn't hear, he used several more to repair his ruptured ear drums. _Won't be perfect, but should be good enough to get me to the elixir._ He pushed himself to his feet and returned to the trapdoor. _I'm impressed, Sprout, you included something extra and didn't document it. Good thing I wasn't down there for that. Well, here goes._ He then summoned a second torch off the wall, dropped it into the hole, and placed the strongest shield he could over the opening. A moment later, the torch hit the bottom, with no explosion.

With that, he withdrew a shrunken broom from a pocket and restored it to normal size, then floated down the hole. When he reached the bottom, he approached the door to the next room, which had seen better days. It was bowed in the middle, and stuck in its frame; so he used his wand to straighten it enough to force it open. Inside, he could see the next door along the right wall. _Ah Flitwick's room, how nice, it even has brooms already waiting. Nice try Flitwick, but I'm not stupid._ With a cutting curse, he destroyed the brooms leaning against the wall. He didn't know if the brooms were charmed to be dangerous to their rider, and he was not going to find out. If they were not, he'd just denied his pursuers their use, and after all, he'd brought his own. _Now, how to get that key. Obviously I'm supposed to fly after it, and make myself vulnerable to attack from all directions. Ha._ With that, he walked to a corner of the room and watched the swarm of fluttering keys. After about a minute, he spotted the key he needed. _Showtime._ Keeping an eye on its location, he pointed his wand at the densest group of keys, conjured a fireball, and propelled it through the keys before letting it dissipate. The reaction was immediate. All the remaining keys turned toward him and shot forward. "Avis, serpensortia, protego." While the conjured flock of birds engaged the keys in an aerial battle, Quirrel told the snake to grab the silver key with blue wings. Then he sat behind his shield and waited, listening to the keys which made it past the birds ping off his shield. He didn't have to wait long before the snake rose up and grabbed the key he needed out of the air when it made a low pass. Dropping his shield, he conjured a second fireball and incinerated the remaining keys. He then took the key from the snake, and tore its wings off. _No reason to leave the key behind, once I close the door they won't be able to follow me without it._ He then strode over to the door, unlocked it with the key, pocketed the key, readied his wand, and stepped through. When he spotted the giant chessboard, he pushed the door behind him closed. Then he walked up to the edge of the board and looked around. _Hm, where's the other door? Oh no!_ He focused a moment on his knowledge of the Stone and incanted, his voice oddly quiet in the still room. As Quirrel finished the incantation, he felt the stone beckoning him, from behind him. _It's a trick!_ He stumbled back to the door and realized it had no handle from this side. He did not realize how slowly he was thinking. _What to do? I could blast the door open, but I've already expended a lot of magic and I'm tired. That must be what their goal is, tire me out so I make mistakes. Well, I'll show them. I still have several hours, and that door is incredibly thick I'll just rest a minute, then blast through._ Moments later, he was unconscious. He was still there when Dumbledore arrived, Quirrel's skin was pink, and his lips bright red.

* * *

 **I don't know how much I like this chapter. On the one hand, I like the idea of the keys and door just being a decoy, and yes, the brooms would do bad things to anyone trying to use them. On the other hand, finishing him off with an invisible, odorless, tasteless, poisonous gas seems repetitive. Then again, deploying such a gas into a dead-end room is easy enough that there really is no reason not to. Further, since it almost immediately impairs one's ability to think, and the only symptoms can easily be mistaken for a migraine, the odds of it stopping anyone who blunders into it, especially when they already are unwell due to fighting Fluffy, are quite high.**

 **As a side question, how much interest is there in knowing the behind-the-scenes stuff? I know a good magician never tells, but I am not a good magician, so if people are curious, I'll explain.**


	6. Wasting Time With Chess

"So, I assume the chess set is also just a distraction?"

"Not entirely, but mostly."

"So then how do you open the next door?"

"Door? What door? When it's time to retrieve your stone, bring a pickaxe and a shovel."

* * *

 _Hm, looks like I'm supposed to take the place of one of the pieces. Better pick the king, since it's the only piece that never gets hit._ Quirrel walked up to the king and said "excuse me, I'll be taking your place".

The king turned toward him, bowed, turned to face the other king, then stepped back, off the board. Quirrel stepped into the now vacant square and waited for the opening move. Thanks to a silence spell, he did not hear the black king draw his sword, nor did he realize anything was amiss until he found himself flying through the air, landing in the middle of the board and rolling. His body crumpled in the king's square.

* * *

After several turns, Quirrel began advancing across the board. When he passed onto the third row, the floor beneath him collapsed, dropping him into a pit trap, where he landed on the manticore-stinger-tipped spikes.

* * *

After the insidious traps of the last three rooms, Quirrel was not going to go anywhere near the chessboard. First he transfigured himself a barricade by the door. Then he began casting blasting curses at the pieces. As the first curse impacted the closes piece, the remaining pieces from both sides charged him. Fortunately, between the barricade, and the rough terrain made from destroyed chess pieces, the pieces could not reach him before all 32 were destroyed. _Of course, that won't have opened the hidden door._ With that, Quirrel remounted his broom and flew to the other side of the room. _Hm, that whole wall is covered in runes to make it harder to blast through, this is gonna take a while._

* * *

 ** _Not a whole lot of material for lethal traps with a chessboard, especially not if the thief takes a scorched-earth approach. So this room is basically another time waster. We'll skip Quirrel's trap, since he'd probably know how to bypass it, plus it'd kinda be a repeat of Fluffy anyway. Next up is the trap that gave me the idea for writing all of this._**


End file.
